I was the stranger - Coffee Shops part 3...

Sitting at my table in the back of the coffee shop, a young woman wheeled her double stroller up to a table, facing me just about 5 feet from where I was working. She had three kids with her, the oldest a boy of 4 or 5, stood by the stroller looking at me. The next younger one sat in the stroller looking around. The mom took the third child into the restroom after giving the boy a stern warning, "Don't speak with strangers."

The boy continued to stare at me as I worked away on my computer. Not too long ago, I would have had an interchange with him, "Are you at such-and-such school?", "Are you too big for the stroller now?", etc. But not wanting to get the boy in trouble I held my tongue, he continued to stare.

Mom came out of the restroom bending down nicely and asking, "Did you speak with any strangers?" He shook his head, "No". But as she said it she glanced over at me as if to say, "you are the stranger I was referring to". I politely said that he was very good and did not say anything. She turned and gave me an awkward stare. She did not respond. She did not speak with strangers. It took a moment for her reaction to sink in to my emotions.

I think, I hope, the look was one of confusion. I had put her in an impossible position. If she spoke with my she violated her own fear or countered the lesson she was trying to teach her son. If she engaged in conversation she was a hypocrite. If she ignored me she was consistent, if perhaps rude. But it could be that she was not confused, and this is the scariest option of all. She assessed the situation and determined that I, the stranger, was a threat. While I did need a haircut, I don't believe I was too seedy looking, so her reaction was deeper, more rational, more disturbing. Her calculated look was one of, "And, why would you speak to me?"

Are the days of polite civility from protecting parents gone. Traded for silence. Will I never be able to say, "So cute!", "How old?", or "Wow, that is a cool toy!" again without worrying whether I am violating a boundary erected to fend off the evil ones. Yes, unfortunately there are evil ones.

But just to put her at ease, I did not return the stares of her son and made no comment on her glare. My hope is that her son will somehow not learn the lesson of rudeness but instead transcend the obvious role modelling of his mother. And indeed may he also learn the art of being politely paranoid.

Such is life as the stranger...